


How To (Not) Get Over Your Ex

by champagne_enema



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Breakups, Crack Treated Seriously, Daddy Kink, Eventual Smut, H M M M, Lance (Voltron) is Petty, Lance loves dads 2k19, M/M, Minor Angst, Revenge, can u tell i love lance, hunk is done with lance's shit, lance b drinkin that dumb bitch juice, me tf 2, no underage everyone is legal ok r e l a x, or is it in the past ?, past klance, voltron died but my love 4 lance is eternal, yeehaw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 04:58:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/champagne_enema/pseuds/champagne_enema
Summary: Reeling from a shitty breakup, Lance hatches a not-so-good plan to get back at Keith― sleeping with his dad.





	How To (Not) Get Over Your Ex

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bad idea i rlly should b working on my other fics BUT OH WELL THIS WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE , Lance/Keith's dad is very underrated ok which , understandable considering his dad is dead and there is NO INTERACTION but i love rarepairs im a sucker 4 the underdog ok yes there will b klance n who knows how long this will be honestly im a mess but i have (1) more chapter b4 i run out of content lets pray writer's block doesn't murder me.. . . pls enjoy n let me know what u think !!!!

**mullet <3:**

**_I think we should break up_ **

~•~

“Seriously,  _ fuck _ Keith.” Lance lamented.

Hunk patted his thigh gently, and Lance continued, blinded by rage. “Like, who even  _ does  _ that?” Lance growled out, sitting up abruptly and narrowly missing a head-on collision with Hunk's forehead. 

“ _ Oh, look at me, I'm Keith _ ,” Lance mocked, his voice dropping a few octaves to match Keith's stupid drawl. “I'm emotionally constipated and do dumb things like break up with my boyfriend over text,”

Hunk didn't say anything, just watched. Lance continued. “I look like a wannabe Billy Ray Cyrus. I have no fashion sense  _ whatsoever _ . I wear  _ Crocs _ , for Christ's sake!”

Lance threw his hands up in exasperation. “I'm just a― a― stupid, no good,  _ asshole _ .”

Okay. So maybe his last few words dissolved into a sob. Lance may or may not have broken into ugly crying by the end of his rant.

Hunk wrapped his arms around Lance, rubbing his back soothingly with his big hands. Lance just cried louder.

Lance felt his face scrunch up, his nose running with snot and  _ just― ugh _ , the whole ordeal was just plain _ ugly _ . Lance didn't like to cry, or mope. It was undignified. And if anyone else were around, someone other than Hunk, Lance would most definitely not be crying. 

But, well, Hunk had seen Lance in much worse condition. So he couldn't really find it in himself to care. Especially since Hunk was the only thing keeping him together.

“Three years, Hunk,” he sobbed. “Three years just― down the drain! And he didn't even  _ call _ !”

Hunk rubbed his back as he ranted. “I hate him,” Lance grumbled into Hunk's chest. “No, you don't.” Hunk finally said.

“I really don't,” Lance whispered. 

~•~

Lance kicked the tire of his baby blue Toyota, growling out frustrated obscenities.

“Stupid,  _ worthless _ , no good piece of  _ shit _ !” he screamed, kicking the bumper this time. He then proceeded to cuss and squeal― because _ motherfucker _ that  _ hurt. _

The sun blared down on his neck. His extremely _ sweaty _ neck. Ugh. Why did it have to be hotter than Satan's ballsack?

A car pulled up in front of Lance's piece of shit. A red pickup, actually. “Need any help, there?” drawled a rough, southern voice.

Lance glanced over, only to double take. 

_ Hot diggity damn _ .

The guy was probably the closest man to  _ daddy  _ that Lance had ever seen. Rippling muscles, two day old scruff on his sharp jaw, twinkling grey eyes, and ruffled dark hair. 

Mr. Yummy Cowboy raised a scarred brow― and  _ fuck _ , if that doesn't get Lance's gears  _ going _ .

“You alright there, darlin’?”

The accent smoothed over Lance's nerves. Of fucking  _ course _ he had an accent. 

“Uh, not really? My car is a piece of shit.” He giggled out, frustration leaking into his voice. 

“Need me to jumpstart you?” he asked. 

“Would you?” Lance questioned hopefully.

“Hold on,” he said, hopping out of the truck and pulling jumper cables out from the back. He opened his hood and set everything up, revving his engine and starting up Lance's car.

“You're a  _ lifesaver _ .” Lance groaned gratefully, leaning against his savior's door. He grinned at Lance, cheeky and  _ sexy _ . 

“You look familiar. I know you from somewhere?” he asked.

Lance blinked. Now that he mentioned it― he  _ did  _ look pretty familiar. “Maybe. I'm pretty bad with faces.”

“Damn, this is gonna bug me. I work down at the fire station. Ring any bells?”

Lance hummed, thinking. That  _ did  _ sound familiar.

Maybe he was―

_ Oh. Oh, fuck. _

Lance masked his realization.  _ Fuck. _

“Don't think so. I appreciate the help, though.” he forced himself to say. His heart thrummed in his chest like crazy.

“Don't mention it.”

Lance― he suddenly had an idea. A terrible idea. An idea he most likely was going to regret.

“Maybe I can repay you? How about we go have lunch. On me.”

“You sure?” he asked. Lance bobbed his head. “It's the least I can do.”

“Alright then.” he grinned.

Lance held out his hand. “I'm Lance.” he said.

The man― his  _ savior _ ― shook his hand with reverence. “The name's Ken. Ken Kogane.”

Lance couldn't stop his Cheshire grin if he wanted to.

~•~

“What's got you all excited?” Hunk asked as Lance strolled into their shared apartment. 

Lance threw down his keys and did a little dance, smile spreading from ear to ear. 

It was such a change from Lance's mood as of late― Keith's break-up had hit him  _ hard _ . For the last few weeks he hadn't even left the house. He'll, he hadn't left the  _ couch _ .

Why join the land of the living when he could watch Dirty Dancing fifty times in a row?

“Hunk~” Lance sung, doing a twirl and stopping before his best friend's prone― and slightly worried― figure.

“What did you do?” he asked, his face twisted into concern.

Lance grinned and licked his lips, giddy with malicious intent, relishing in the words that left his mouth. 

”I'm gonna fuck Keith's dad, Hunk. I'm gonna fuck him senseless, and rub it in Keith's stupid mullet,”

Hunk looked horrified, and his expression further morphed as Lance continued.

He sighed, unable to stop a giggle from bursting forth. “I'm gonna save a horse and  _ ride  _ that motherfucking cowboy.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yooo im on [twitter](https://twitter.com/smellymilky?lang=en) hmu ;))


End file.
